I had a very interesting weekend filled with adventures which prompted me to give some thought to the notion of guilt and its pervasive effect on our feelings, attitude and stress level. I spent the weekend with good friends celebrating a happy event. A mix of alcohol and the lack of presence from my friends' spouses led to what is, according to me, mild straying behavior. For once and to everyone's surprise, I did not take part in this action. Instead, people who are inherently happy in their respective relationships and who believe in the importance and respect of monogamy, got it on with eachother. The drama ensuing the next morning led me to wonder what makes people who have no desire to cheat and who genuinely feel guilty about it engage in this kind of behavior. For me, cheating is part of who I am and I have come to recognize that this fact can not be ignored. In fact, ignoring this part of myself would render me completely and utterly miserable and would be detrimental to my marriage. I feel no guilt about the act of cheating. Instead, what I would feel guilty about would be the pain that the discovery of my cheating would inflict on my husband whom I love dearly. For my friends, the mere act of kissing someone besides their spouse makes them feel so utterly guilty that they make a mess of their relationship. They cry, dwell, stress and act completely crazy. The act of cheating becomes a secret too heavy for them to carry and hide and eventually they feel compelled to confess. Why would they cheat in the first place?
The events also got me thinking about whether I was normal for not feeling any guilt about my numerous indecencies. What I do on a regular basis is so much worse than what they did once.
What makes me different? Again, I don't have the answers.
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