I finally heard from A. saturday afternoon and he said that everything was ok for him at home. Just as I breathed a huge sigh of relief, he told me that he was in the midst of deciding whether or not what he wanted was a divorce from his wife. Excuse me?
To say that this statement freaked me out would be an understatement. One of the most important rules that I follow in my affairs with married men is to make sure to find someone who, like me, is happily married and unwilling to change his marital status. I feel safe knowing that the man I am with wants to stay with his wife and wishes to protect his marriage. A. has just thrown a major curve ball in my direction. In any other adulterous relationship, I would seriously consider breaking it off. I would give the man space and time to straighten out his home life. As you might have guessed, all rules have been broken with A. and I just can't bring myself to cool things down with him. I am falling for this man. Hard. I am utterly consumed in this affair. I am afraid, I feel wonder, happiness and pain. I feel desire and lust, affection and love. He told me that his first reaction when his wife asked him to move out for a few days was to think that that would give him more time with me.
A. and I, we've got it bad for each other. I have ventured into unchartered territory with him. I told him that I felt like I was standing on a ledge just about to jump into the sea.....and that I hoped that he wouldn't let me drown. He told me that he would be there to catch me.
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