Mischief

A:
Good morning my love :)

I hope you had a restful sleep and woke up with a smile.
I still can't believe we pulled it off last night, having supper in the same restaurant. 

I was looking at you and remembering what I had been doing to you a few hours prior ;-)
Very hot. 
You looked so amazing and I was thinking I could make a perfect mess of you ;-) 

You really were a vision last night baby. I swear you took my breath away when I first saw you. Of course, you know I find you crazy beautiful and sexy. I mean the way you had dolled yourself up. WOW. ;-)

I gotta run but I just wanted to say GOOD MORNING and I LOVE YOU LIKE MAD
Have a great day! 

Later doll face xxx

The Experiment

My husband and I had a dinner date with a couple friend of ours planned for friday evening. Our friends live in the same part of town as A and his family and as it turns out, had made reservations at this cozy little italian place very close to A's house. I know enough about A's habits and schedule to know for a fact that he takes his family out to dinner every friday night. As I got ready for the evening, I purposely glammed up a little more than I normally would for a dinner with friends. I curled my long and otherwise pin straight hair into flowy waves and pinned one side up so that it wouldn't fall on my face. I applied a little more makeup than I do normally and I wore the jeans that A loves to see on me with my prettiest and most romantic top which is all lacy at the back. 

I grabbed my husband's hand as I stepped inside the bustling restaurant. The place was packed with families, couples and groups, it was busy, noisy and as I scanned the room looking for our friends, my eyes locked with A's. He was sitting at a booth near the back and he had positioned himself so that he was facing the door. We quickly found our friends and as I was hugging them hello, I could feel A watching me. I sat down and exchanged pleasantries with our friends but my mind was focused on the fact that A was in the same room and that we were seeing one another in our ''real lives''. 

At one point, my friend and I wanted to discuss something without our husbands hearing and so we made our way to the bathroom together. As I walked past A's table, we locked eyes again for a brief moment. There were six people at his table, one of which I recognized right away as his brother because of the resemblance. Although I was curious to see his wife and wanted to know what she looked like, how she dressed and how she carried herself, I couldn't see anything but A. He looked so handsome underneath the warm lighting of the restaurant, he was smiling and making faces at the children sitting with him. As we stepped out of the ladies room, A was just entering the men's bathroom and we crossed each other in the hallway. I was laughing at something that my friend said and he didn't look at me but I know that he got up only to be close to me. Although we were in the same room, pretending not to know one another, I felt so connected to him. The situation was twisted and slightly perverse but it was also exciting. I felt like I had a naughty secret that only he knew about. 

We moved our chairs around during dinner and towards the end of the evening, I was sitting next to my friend and her husband facing the hallway that A walked down as his family and him were leaving the restaurant. Our eyes locked once more as he walked out. 

When I got home, in my inbox sat an email from A that read: ''You look positively stunning''

Lunch date

A. and I have developped a routine of sorts. I work quite far outside the city and so I spend a fair amount of time driving in the morning and in the evening. A. drops his daughter to school, most days, quite early and while we are both in transit, we like to start the day with a morning call. This early ritual has been broken recently since A's wife has been home on sick leave from work. Last night, I got bad news on the phone and I emailed A. about it since we share mostly everything about our lives with one another. This morning, I woke up without a reply and although I knew that there must have been a good reason for him not to contact me in the evening and in the early morning, it still stung a little and felt a little insensitive. I went about my day, working and keeping busy when A. texted me asking if I could call him for five seconds. I called and he said that if I was available, he was on his way and was taking me out to lunch. Now, I work quite out of the way from anywhere that A. would possibly need to be today in order to get any work done. He said that seeing my email and knowing that I was having a bad day made him really want to see me. I was so touched by the gesture and when he picked me up from work, I was giddy with excitement. Being in a different town also meant that we could go out to lunch in public without constantly being paranoid that someone we knew would catch us. We sat across from each other, talking and holding hands for a good hour and a half and it felt so normal and so wonderful. As we sat at that table, looking into each other's eyes, flirting and enjoying every minute, we started to talk about us, which is something we do quite often. 

We discussed how deep our feelings were and how they seemed to intensify with each passing day. I asked him:

Olivia:
You once said that you would never ever leave your wife for another woman. Is that statement still valid?

A:
He hesitated and looked deeply into my eyes and said: Yes....that statement is still valid. 

Olivia:
Good. I need to hear that. You know, I rely on you a lot....because you are older and wiser, I listen to what you say and feel like you must be right. Like when you say that we are perfect just as we are, that we are only this good because we are in other relationships...I hold on to that and trust that to be true and it helps me cope. 

A:
It was months ago that I said that.....

Olivia:
But it is still valid...right?

A:.......

Olivia:
If we were both separated tomorrow....would we.....

A:
I think...somehow....we would find a way....we would.....yes. 

Olivia:
Would you have babies with me?

A:
He looked down at the table and got emotional and replied: You know I would...

Passion and sex

Hey lover,

As soon as I got one second to myself I had to get this to you and let you know that having sex with you is one of the most intense, mind blowing, wonderful, special, moving experiences of my life...

I really can not convey in words the depth of what you make me feel when we are together in that way. It's useless for me to try to explain it. All I know is that it is so intense and it shakes me to my core sometimes. 

I love it. I love the way that you make me feel. I love the way that you make me completely lose my mind. I love that you make me cum harder than anyone ever has before. I love that my body responds to your touch in a way that I have never experienced with any other man. 

With you, nothing is overrated. In fact, everything is so intense and so so GOOD...

You are teaching me what passion is...

What it feels like, what it does to your body, to your mind, to your heart and what it means to be passionately in love with someone. 

I know that this will end eventually, it is the nature of these things really...

But I am grateful every single day that I now know what passionate love is. I have never had that before, you are effectively, my first ;)

xox

Olivia

Gratitude

Today is Thanksgiving and I have much to be thankful for this year. This holiday is one of my favorites since it is a day where my family and I consciously experience and feel gratitude not only for the big things that we have been blessed with, but also for all the small daily events that add to our lives and make us happy. 

I always find that the act of consciously reflecting on all that we have rather than focusing on what we lack makes our lives so much more fulfilling. 

This year, I am thankful for love. I am blessed to have a lot of love in my life and to be able to give back that love, in different forms to those who mean so much to me. 

I may have many flaws, I may do things that are misunderstood by most people and I may have many secrets but, I have an endless capacity for love and I give that love freely, without expectations or demands, without selfishness or self-interest. I believe that people should know what makes them special to you and that by giving love, you open yourself up to receiving love back. 

Isn't that all we really want out of life? 

And I strongly believe that life is too short to leave important and powerful words unsaid. 

So today, on Thanksgiving, I am grateful to be able to love and be loved because that is what adds color to my life. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

xox

Love, pain, jealousy

A. and I are not jealous people. He says that he has never been a jealous man and he even goes further and says that he doesn't hold a double standard towards his wife and that if she were to have an affair, he would accept it. A. and I are able to talk openly about our spouses, our marriages and even the sex that we have at home. However, this week, A. has started to feel this twinge of jealousy and is struggling to understand his feelings. When I texted him a series of naughty messages on a night out where my husband and I both got drunk, he replied "ideally you are going to end the night in wild crazy sex, although I am wishing it was with me, is that wrong?". 

A. has been telling me lately that he feels himself falling deeper and deeper in love with me, falling so fast that it is taking him completely by surprise. This realization has placed him on the same roller coaster ride that I have been on since the summer, where one minute I will be elated and on a high from the mindblowing sex and the next, I am in tears attempting to write A. a breakup email because it is so difficult to love him this much and be married to another man. He says that I am his everything and that no one understands him like I do and that this fact alone has the power to become very dangerous for him. 

Yesterday morning, A. took his wife to the doctor's office and they found out that they had lost the baby. He had mentioned to me that she hadn't been feeling well these past few days and he spent thursday evening by her side. We had made plans to spend friday afternoon together but in the morning I called him to ask whether he should be home with her. I was speaking to A. while reversing out of a parking spot and when he nonchalantely told me that we were still on for the afternoon and that she had miscarried, I reversed into the parked car behind me. My heart went out to her, I was sad and shocked but A. seemed fine. He told me not to worry, that he knew from the start that there was a 50% chance of miscarriage and that he didn't even know how he felt about the pregnancy or about what he wanted in general and so he was ok. Although to me, it felt wrong to see A. on a day like that, I thought that perhaps that is what he needed that day. He always says that when we are together, he can feel so much love from me, which in turn, makes him happy and calms him. So despite the fact that I wanted to cancel our afternoon, I didn't. 

As soon as we closed the hotel room door, he softly pushed my back against the wall and kissed me. His hands held my face and then stroked my hair as his tongue found mine. I breathed him in, I love the smell of him which sometimes stays in my hair once we have left each other. We had mindblowing sex, by far the best sex of my life. A. makes me wet like no other man has ever done before and the orgasms that I have with him are the most intense. Everything he does turns me on to no end. With me, he is willing to try anything which arouses me even more. We do things with each other that we have never done with others before.

This chemistry and physical compatibility coupled with the love that we have for eachother often leaves us in a complete emotional mess. Last night, both A. and I got completely drunk. I was at a birthday party and he was home drinking wine and bourbon. We texted and I asked him if he was ok, if he was dealing with the sad news that he had gotten in the morning. He said: "No. This is not about that. This is about you. It's always about you. I am yours baby, all yours".

The best sex ever

Olivia:
I miss having sex with you. It's been forever baby. I can barely remember what you feel like ;) I only know that it was the best sex of my life ;)

A:
I miss your luscious lips wrapped around my hard throbbing cock as it hits the back of your throat and you attempt to take it deeper and deeper in your mouth. 

A:
Did I mention that I pleasured myself this morning in the shower to the thought of me tonguing your ass while you moaned intensely and pleasured yourself simultaneously. It was pretty hot.

Olivia:
I never ever thought that I would actually feel this way.....but I have been thinking and fantasizing almost non stop about your hard cock pumping in and out of my ass.......I love that only you have ever done that to me....I will never let anyone else ever do that to me......only you can have me in every possible way....only you can take me any way that you crave.....

A:
I can't believe you have been fantasizing about the anal sex we had. I am so turned on by that you have no idea. 
I've never wanted anyone the way I want you. 

A:
It really would be wonderful sitting on the couch with you sipping wine. I miss our conversations the most right now. Is that crazy? You are by far the best sex of my life and I am missing talking to you. What does that say?  That's right, I'm fucked ;-) 

Cutting the cord

A:
I thought I was going to lose you this week. I know that this is hard, it's an impossible situation and we are so in love with each other.

Olivia:
I keep thinking that this has to end sooner rather than later. I just can't do it. I am waiting for life to get in the way. You will have a baby, I may get pregnant and we will run out of time.

A:
You don't think we will meet on the other side.

Olivia:
I think that the distance will give me the strength to end it.

A:
The time and distance will release the hold that I have over you?

Olivia:
I hope so.

A:
Do you need my help to cut the cord.

Olivia:
No. Not yet. Don't leave me.

A:
I will never leave you.

Embarking on six months of madness

A. has been away for the last week or so on a spiritual journey of sorts. A. is not a religious man but he has been very open minded and has truly embraced the experience. During his trip, I attempted to give him some space and generally be respectful of where he was and of what he was doing and so my emails were short and demure. As a result, this has also given me space and time to piece myself back together from a previous week filled with too much emotion and too much sex with A. 

He called me yesterday and asked me if I missed him at all. In response to that phone call, I emailed him a sweet and funny email which attempted to explain how his trip was also my recovery time from too much A:

Olivia: 

When I spend too much time with you, I feel like I am losing my mind. I am so in love, I want you so badly all the time and even if I spend a whole day with you, I always want and crave more. Saturday night was so wonderful, you gave me so much.....and wednesday morning...that was probably my favorite few hours with you ever ;) 

And I saw you every day in between, and I still wanted MORE. 

As wonderful and amazing as you are, as special as what we have is to me.....it also breaks me ;)

You know why? 

Because baby, NOTHING COMPARES to YOU (yes, like that very depressing song by Sinead O'Connor)

When I think about that, knowing that I can't ever really have you and feeling like what we have can't last (for some very obvious reasons and others, not so obvious (footnote, I need to credit you for this sentence) ;) ) that breaks me and makes me infinitely sad about life. 

SO, very regularly, I need to piece myself back together until I stop feeling infinitely sad and start to feel that what we have is wonderful just the way that it is and if it were to end tomorrow, I would not only survive ;) but I would look back on things with happiness rather than sadness. 

Now having said that.....You need not worry, as soon as you will pull me to you and kiss my lips, I will melt and come undone again and have to start the process all over. But it's ok, it's worth it, really really worth it, because baby, 

NOTHING COMPARES to YOU ;))))))

I woke up this morning to this response which might be the most emotional sentence any man has ever said to me: 

A:
I am hopelessly yours.