Loving A

It has been a while since I posted. I am sorry about that. The last year has been full of changes and challenges. I had lost the motivation to write. I was lost in my own inner turmoil for a while and then happily lost in the bustle of my life.

Through it all though, one thing has been constant. 

A.

I left this blog in June 2015.

I was a new mom to a wonderful baby boy but I was completely lost. Lost in a marriage that wasn't serving myself or my husband. I was struggling with what I now understand to have been postpartum depression and anxiety. I was just overall completely stuck. 

One night in march 2016, as I was putting my son to sleep, I felt overwhelmed with the desire to tell my husband that I wanted out. I remember being completely terrified but knowing that something had to change. I still don't know where I found the courage but as I sat on the couch and took my husband's hands in mine, I began to tell him that I felt like we needed to separate. 

Thus began a very confusing time in my life where self-doubt and sheer panic became part of my daily reality. I doubted my decision, I felt alone and I questioned whether or not I had the strength to go through with the separation and eventually, the divorce. 

A held me through panic attacks and helped me cope as best as he could. As much as it hurt him to watch me be riddled with doubt, he stuck it out with me and eventually gathered the courage to leave his own marriage. 

And suddenly, there it all was. Everything we had ever dreamed of. 

We were together, together. 

We were free. 

To be our authentic self. 

And to love each other. 

And we loved each other. Passionately. 

I feel the urge to write and document our story because it is ending.

A has been diagnosed with inoperable terminal pancreatic cancer on January 11th 2017.

But don't worry, this story isn't about death. It is about love. 

Overwhelmed and unhappy

Today, A held my face in his hands and told me the only thing that a first time mother needs to hear. He asked me to look at him as he said that I have my shit together. He said "you do it all, you are on top of your shit, you are superwoman" and I swear, that felt like the best compliment anyone could ever give me. 

I was overwhelmed today. I feel overwhelmed most days. Despite the fact that I have, what is considered, an "easy baby". He is happy, he sleeps and he makes everyone around him smile. He is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and the love that I feel for him is unlike any other feeling I have ever had. But I am still overwhelmed. And I am writing it here instead of talking openly about it because I feel guilty. 

It's not always about sex - sometimes we fight

A:
"What the fuck. You basically pushed me out the door!"

Olivia:
"You wanted to go so I let you go"

A:
"You're pushing me away. Don't you see how destructive that is!?"

Olivia:
"I don't want you to see me at my worst. I'd rather deal with my shit alone.... What do you want from me"?

A:
"When you are having a moment, when you go down this path where you can't get out of it, I want you to grab me, hold on to me and tell me that despite you being in a mood, you still want me there with you, through it".

"Pack a bag" Part I

It was the eve of my 30th birthday and A and I had been planning to head out to dinner in a neighbouring town. A dinner out is something so difficult to arrange that in the two years that A and I have been together, we only managed to make it happen once. Somehow, for my birthday, little details fell into place and A and I were able to plan an evening and an entire day to spend together and celebrate. I spent the day at my mother's with my son and in the afternoon, I get a text from A that says: "Change of venue for dinner tonight, pack a bag". He sends me the address for this incredibly romantic and luxurious downtown hotel where we will have dinner that evening and says that he will wear a suit and tie and that I should dress accordingly. I must have tried on six different outfits, some skirts and silky tops and a few dresses before settling on a light pink romantic dress with classy black heels. I showered and curled my otherwise pin straight hair, pinned it up on one side and made my way downtown. I reached the hotel just before A and we parked right next to eachother on the street. I stepped out of the car, grabbed my overnight bag and walked to A's car. He looked so handsome as he smiled a broad smile and said: "You look so fucking good". He carried my bag inside as we walked by the front desk and headed straight for the elevator. This hotel is located in an old building built in the 1800s. It is by far, the most romantic pace I have ever been in. Inside, the dim lighting is provided by an array of grand chandeliers and bouquets of red roses are on display everywhere you look. As A pressed the elevator button for our floor, he said:"I can't wait to show you everything". On the seventh floor, this beautiful gold key opened the heavy wooded door to our suite which was breathtaking. A grand chandelier lay above the king bed and another one presided over the living room. Soft classical music filled the room as A dropped my bag and kissed my lips. He said: "Isn't this beautiful" and I replied: "Baby, this is too much, I don't feel deserving of all of this". He looked at me and said: "You deserve even more. And you only turn 30 once". I smiled shyly and kissed his lips. He asked me to wait for a few minutes while he selected a table at the restaurant for our dinner. He returned quickly and held my hand as we made our way to dinner. The restaurant was as breathtaking as our room. It was quiet that night with only two other tables that were occupied. We sat at a corner booth, tucked away romantically. We ordered two starters, two main courses and a bottle of wine and we wanted to share everything. I have always had this fear that somehow, during a dinner or any other "normal" activity, A and I would realize that we had nothing in common or that the conversation wouldn't flow easily and that awkwardness would set in. During the entire dinner, literally every single minute of it, I had the most amazing time. That's the thing about being with A. When I am with him, I am present. I am living in the moment. Enjoying every last second of it until we part. I am not worried about anything, I am not thinking of what I need to do when I get back home, I am thinking of nothing else besides this moment. With A, I truly enjoy life. As we sat there, enjoying every last sip of wine and every last bite of this fancy dinner, I truly loved A's company. I laughed a lot. We flirted. We whispered sweet nothings in each other's ear. We had a great time. It was the best date I had ever been on. A settled the bill and we hurriedly headed upstairs to our room anxious to be alone together. A slowly unzipped my dress and let it fall to the floor. He undressed and we got under the covers. That night, we made love. It was passionate and hungry, sexy and sweet, intense and tender all at once. As A got dressed and it was time for him to go home, he whispered happy birthday, kissed me and wished me the sweetest of dreams. I slept naked, in our sex sheets, giddy and truly happy. 

King-sized luxury

A:

"Meet me there and pack a bag"

I am lying on a king sized bed in the most beautiful suite I have ever been in, tucked away in the most romantic hotel I have ever visited. A wore a suit and tie and I wore my prettiest and classiest dress while we shared a delicious dinner and laughed for two hours straight. I was giddy and happy, lightly tipsy from the amazing bottle of wine. A wanted to make my birthday special. I am turning thirty tomorrow. And I feel so loved. I need nothing else if I have A. 

We do crazy things when we're in love - Part I

She was beautiful. She took a sip of her wine, looked at us and asked: "Are you in love"? I looked at A as I whispered yes. He was both shy and aroused. I loved the look of him in that particular moment. Seeing him bashful was endearing. She asked if she could kiss me right now, she wanted to taste my lips. She walked to the couch where A and I were sitting and placed her mouth on mine. Her tongue found mine as I pulled her closer to me. Her hungry mouth exploring mine, I felt A move behind me and begin to remove my shirt. I ran my fingers over her soft, silky tanned skin. Her breasts, so much larger than my own, felt heavy in my hands. Her nipples hardened as she kissed me harder. Her fingers traced down my body as she smiled a naughty smile and said: "Your pussy is wet". I turned to A and placed my lips on his. I felt him rock hard against my body and moved to my knees in front of him. She kneeled with me as we kissed each other while running both of our tongues on the tip of A's cock. He moaned loudly as she began running her mouth on the side of his shaft. I took him in my mouth and started moving up and down his cock, lathering him with saliva as she was running her tongue over his balls. She licked her way from his balls all the way to the tip of his cock and took his entire length down her throat. As she let go of his hard cock, I kissed her hard, feeling her tongue dance with mine. She looked up at A and asked: "Should we move to the bed"?

"Do you think we really know eachother"?

My husband was out of town for the week and A and I arranged to spend an afternoon together. He took care of some work in the morning while I dropped my little one off at my mother's and we met up at my place. The day before, we had decided to go visit this sex shop that is located nearby and the thought of being there together excited us both. To be fair, the thought of being out in public anywhere with A is always exciting to me, if only because it is a rare occurence. Before A entered my life, I had never owned a sex toy. When we first began sleeping together, I was unable to orgasm with A. Never a quitter and forever an optimist, A bought me this tiny vibrator which I eventually used to make myself cum for the first time while he was pounding me. Since then, we have acquired a few more toys together but what was missing from our secret collection was a really good vibrator. After a short debate on whether we should take separate cars to get there, I got into the passenger seat of A's car and we drove off. On the way, I asked whether we should walk in separately and he grinned as he answered: "No, we will walk in hand in hand". I laughed, amused and excited. We walked in together, though there was no hand holding and as we strolled through the aisles, I noticed just how much taller he was than me. I mentioned it to him saying that we spend most of our time laying in bed together that I hardly notice how tall he really is. He smiled as we continued to look around at the items on display. The shop keeper was this older woman with a slicked back pony tail and an overly friendly attitude. She asked twice if she could help us and the second time that we had to answer that we wanted to have a look around first, she asked to see my ID. Now this happens to me from time to time. Although I am about to turn 30, I look younger than I really am and always have. I am used to showing ID when I order a drink at a restaurant or when I am buying a bottle of wine. However, this has never happened in front of A. I showed the woman my driver's licence and when I looked at A's face, I saw how surprised he was. Actually, he seemed uncomfortable. And that set the tone for the rest of our shopping experience. We looked through the entire store, laughing and finally selecting what we had initially wanted but I felt him somewhat standoffish. In fact, in public, A is always somewhat colder and more distant. I know part of that is the fact that we are not supposed to be out in public together. But is there a part that is just him? I have no idea how he acts in social situations. 

A is very affectionate and warm when we are alone, in the confines of a hotel room or playing house at my place. His hands gravitate towards my ass as I prepare lunch and his fingers make my nipples harden as we watch television together. I don't remember the last time we were able to sit through an hour-long tv show without pressing the pause button and french kissing all the way to the bedroom. Although I do feel that I know A intimately, the fact that we have hardly ever done anything "normal" together, out in public where there is some form of interaction with others, makes me wonder whether there is this whole other side to him that I know nothing about. What is he like when he is surrounded by a group of friends or at a family BBQ? What would he be like with me if we were at a social event together? 

When we got home, I asked A if he thought we really knew one another. He answered that he felt like he knew me in a very intimate way and that the way my personality shows through with him in this intimate context must translate into every situation. I looked at his beautiful face and pondered whether our relationship was mostly about the sex. I wondered whether the incredible sexual chemistry that we have clouds our judgement on whether or not this relationship would work in "real life". My thoughts were interrupted by the sight of A slowly unbuttoning his crisp white shirt. He pulled me to him, lust in his eyes and said: "Couples want what we have. The chemistry. The sex". I stopped thinking and got lost in him. 

Texting about threesomes

A:
"Seriously, we don't have to do this. Not now. Not ever. I only want it because it's with you. I swear.
I am so over gratuitous sex with strangers. I want everything with you".

Olivia:
"That's the thing - I WANT to do it - with YOU. I wouldn't want to do this again otherwise. I've already checked it off of my personal to do list ;) but I too want EVERYTHING with you.
I just really need you to know that I would not do this without you. I wouldn't have threesomes - fuck other couples or have Mykonos orgies - with anyone but you.
I love that we are both a little crazy and that nothing is ever off the table.
As long as you love me and only me... I feel like I would let you have whatever you needed (shy) if you needed sex with strangers once in a while.... I would never leave you for it".

A:
"Baby. I love you and only YOU. I swear it. And that will never change for me. You are it for me.
 But seriously - you are everything I have ever wanted in a woman - and MORE".

The tie

A and I were in bed at our usual sex hotel on a sunday morning. I had asked him to bring a tie. He brought two, eager to use them on me. As we lay naked on the bed, A kissed me passionately. His tongue finding mine in the most delicious way, he let his hands wander the length of my body. When he reached my inner thigh, I let out a loud moan against his warm lips. I wanted more. I wanted him. I pushed his body down on the bed and got on top of him. Looking at his well-defined chest and arms made me even hotter than I already was. I grabbed one of A's ties and put it around my neck. I could see the lust in A's eyes when I said: "tie it". I watched as he tied the perfect knot around my neck and then gave him the end of the tie to hold as a leash. He smiled, surprised at my boldness and I felt him grow hard beneath me. I kissed his mouth and rubbed my pussy on his hardened cock. He grabbed the necktie with force and guided my head down towards his hardness. I looked straight at him as I licked his length, from his balls to the very tip. He whispered "I am so excited" as I wrapped my warm mouth around his cock. I circled the tip with my tongue and dove deep, taking his shaft down my throat. I lathered his cock with my saliva and continued to lick and suck as he moaned louder on the bed. As I took A's balls in my mouth, he pulled on the tie and directed me towards his face. He told me to lay my pussy on his mouth and as his tongue found my clit, he said: "you are so wet baby, you are drenched". I smiled a shy smile at him as he continued to kiss and lick my pussy. A has learned to please me in a way that no other man has ever done for me before. I was moaning loud as he pushed his tongue inside me, one finger finding my ass. His tongue left my clit for a minute as he took a sip of wine. His mouth found my pussy again and he let the cold wine slowly pour over my pussy lips. He licked it all up and dove deeper inside me making me moan. I was feeling myself dripping all over A's face as I grew incredibly aroused. For once, I wanted him to be the fist one to cum so I moved down his body until I could push his hard cock inside me. I know exactly what pleases A and I rode him hard, moving my ass up and down his shaft. He bit his lower lip and screamed how good I felt riding his cock. He slapped my ass and I screamed out, never letting his cock leave my wet pussy. When A was close to blowing up inside me, I moved lower and took his cock in my mouth. He grabbed the tie tightly and almost choked me, moving my head up and down on his shaft. I sucked up and down his length, gagging myself with his cock, as I played with his balls and he screamed that he was about to explode so hard in my mouth. I didn't stop sucking and licking until he screamed loudly and I could taste the sweetness of his cum on my tongue and down my throat. I swallowed every drop and undid the knot on his tie, throwing it on the floor next to the bed. I smiled at him and he let out a loud sigh. He said: "You spoil me so much baby", as I lay my head on his chest. 

Turmoil

A:

"You don't know what you want".

Olivia:

"I want you".

A:

"You have me. And still you are unhappy. Why?".

Olivia:

"I don't know".

A text from my lover

A:
"I have never missed you as much as I did tonight".

The concert - oh the dread

Olivia:
"The grown up part of me has accepted that today is not going to be what I thought it would be and is overall ok with everything. I mean I have planned a whole other evening for myself and under any other circumstances, I would be excited and elated about tonight.
But the childish and immature side of me is kicking and screaming inside. This part of me wants to boycott the whole stupid thing and just sit at home and pout and scream and get mad. I even feel anger towards Sam Smith for some reason! I have been screaming "screw Sam Smith" in my head over and over during the weekend.
I really am kicking and screaming inside baby. I am yelling at the world saying it's not fair ;) like a child.
I don't want to go.
But I know that staying home won't make me feel any better.
So I am going to dress up and curl my hair and go on a girls night with my best friend.
I still can't believe I am not going with you.
:("

"Worst Christmas ever" - A

The holidays are always difficult for those of us living, what some may call, a "double life". Spouses are home from work, family obligations and parties fill up the calendar and the window of time to spend with one's lover suddenly seems infinitely small. A and I have made numerous Christmas plans that have sadly fallen through due to changing spouses' schedules and extended holidays from work. With the exception of an unexpected and unplanned visit on Christmas Eve, A and I have had very little time to celebrate together. Although spending the holidays with everyone but the person you love can put a serious damper on one's celebratory mood, A and I have managed to steer clear of holiday-induced depression thanks to one shiny beacon of light - two months ago, I bought us tickets to see an artist that we have both discovered together and grew to LOVE in concert in January. I can not begin to express how much A and I  have been looking forward to this event. We would talk about it excitedly every single day. It would mark a major milestone in our relationship since it would be the first time that we do something "real" together. Something other than hiding out in hotel rooms. Although Christmas didn't turn out the way either of us had planned, it didn't matter because we had the concert. 

On Christmas Day, I get a text from A saying: "Worst Christmas ever".

He didn't want to talk about it on the phone or to explain it by text. He said that he'd explain when he saw me in person. I spent three days worrying about him, wondering whether he had chosen that day to end his marriage and imagining scenarios of family tragedies unfolding on Christmas Day. It didn't help that for those three days, A seemed busy and somewhat less available to talk and text leaving me to simply wait patiently for Sunday. Yesterday, we had arranged to spend a few hours together at a hotel near my house. We were both excited and happy to be with one another and clothes were quickly tossed around the room and A's tongue found it's way to my clit. I came hard underneath his tongue and that made him rock hard. He kissed my mouth and pushed himself inside me softly. He held me close to him and looked at me with the saddest look in his eyes. He said he had missed me so much and that this truly was the worst Christmas ever. I played with his hair and asked him what happened. He said that Christmas morning was amazing and that everything pointed to a great day. He said: "And then I opened my gift". 

I was puzzled for a minute thinking who cares if his wife gave him a bad gift. He looked at me, sadness on his face and said: "It's the single worst thing she could have given me". 

I covered my face and couldn't help my reaction. I started to cry. 

Of course. Concert tickets. It's a great gift. The same gift I bought for him. 

Christmas plans made and unmade

Olivia:

"When do we celebrate Christmas? We skip it this year?"

A:

"Why would we do such a thing".

Olivia:

"It's looking like that... Nothing is working out for us".

A:

"The great thing with us is we enjoy every day together.

We celebrate life. So even if we can't fit it in now, we always make it up. In spades". 

Olivia:

"That is so beautiful. I love that. I must write that down somewhere".

Reunion

A and I had been apart for over two weeks as I had been out of town with my family. While I was away, we kept in touch every day with emails and texts but we also began, what is surely to be a new tradition for us, sending each other pictures every day. What started out innocently enough; a picture of my son and I at the Newark airport on a lay over and a picture of A driving to a meeting, quickly turned sexual. Why that surprised me, I still don't know but by the third day, there were pictures of A, half dressed, grabbing his hard cock for me and of my tanned naked body lying on the king size hotel bed. We had fifteen days of pictures to send to one another so we had to get creative with it. It made our time apart bearable and served to build up the anticipation for my return. 

I made it home in the afternoon and A and I couldn't wait to see each other so on my way to do some errands, he met up with me in the parking lot of a hotel we often go to nearby. He got there before me and when I parked my car next to his, he looked at me through his window and beamed. He was smiling ear to ear as I got into the passenger seat of his sports car and handed him the small gift that I brought back for him. He grabbed me and pulled me close in a tight hug while crushing my mouth with his. Hungrily, he kissed my lips and his tongue found its way in my mouth. I grabbed his hair and moaned as I kissed him back, wishing that the layers of clothes and winter jackets would disappear so that I could feel his warmth. We were giddy to be together after what seemed like a never ending vacation as we talked like excited children. The x- rated picture experiment had made us both terribly aroused for weeks and as A slipped his hand inside my panties, I asked him coyly if he was hard. He looked at me and answered: "What do you think?".

I gasped as he pushed a finger inside me. I was already dripping wet and as A fingered my pussy he asked me how I was going to explain my drenched panties when I got home. I moaned louder and said that I didn't care. A kissed me passionately and as his lips parted with mine, he looked deep into my eyes and said: "I am so in love with you". I kissed him harder and told him that I loved him more and he said: "Impossible". 

I laughed as I said: "I love how we are whispering sweet nothings to one another as your hand is down my pants". Then, as I said that it should always be this way, he laughed and answered that he was just about to say the very same thing. 

As A continued to pump his finger in and out of my pussy, I told him about how I had been fantasizing about his mouth on my clit making me cum over and over. I told him that I had been thinking of his tongue all day while I was on the plane. His eyes sparkled as he said: "Let me go down on you right now". I pushed him away as there were other cars and a few people walking by but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He pulled down my pants and started licking me so slowly and deliciously, I couldn't help but moan and tell him not to stop. 

We both didn't get any release that day and the anticipation for next time might kill me but it was amazing to see A, to kiss his lips and to feel his body against mine. 

The perfect week part III

After A had left to go home for a few hours, I got dressed and went out to get us some dinner and more wine. He wasn't supposed to be gone longer than an hour or two but time passed and he was running late. As I had dinner, I got progressively more drunk and started thinking that A might not be able to escape and come back. I texted him and when he didn't reply, I drank with more vigor. I changed into my girly boxer shorts and a t-shirt and figured that I would he ready for bed when the wine bottle was empty. As I watched some mindless reality show about girls and their wedding dresses, A knocked on the door. I leaped out of bed and rushed to open up. He smiled a broad smile that seemed to say that he was both happy to see me and satisfied with himself that he had surprised me. He held me tight and pulled me off the floor while deeply kissing my lips. We didn't waste any time and as he undressed, standing by the bed, I threw my clothes on the floor and laid naked on the bed. A walked over to the corner of the room where my brown leather boots were lying and he slowly put them on me. He said: "This is really doing it for me" as he entered me with his already hard cock. He stood by the edge of the bed, holding my legs against his chest and fucking me hard. After a few minutes, he grabbed by hand and pulled me off the bed and to the full length mirror hanging near the entrance of my hotel room. He pushed me against the mirror as he forced his cock inside my dripping pussy from behind. I loved watching him fuck me in the mirror. He was watching me too, lust in his eyes and moaning loud. I grabbed the sides of the mirror for balance as I pushed back against A's cock slamming into his body and screaming in pleasure. I lost all shyness and inhibition as the wine took over my tipsy mind and I said: "I want you to take my ass". I had bought a butt plug that morning, not knowing whether we really were going to have the courage to use it. I got the plug as A got the lube. A was rock hard as I laid face down on the bed and spread my cheeks for him to see. I grabbed the lubed up plug from his hand and started playing with my ass. I could feel the toy stretching me as A watched and played with himself. He moaned and said: "I am so fucking excited baby. You excite me so much". I removed the plug as A slowly started entering my ass. We had had anal sex only once before, over a year ago and we both fantasized about doing it again. And again. As A got more and more excited, I began to relax and he was able to place the entire length of his cock in my ass. I told him to fuck me and he gladly did so. He was beyond excited as he pumped fast in and out of my ass. A is 42 years old and we had had so much sex that week that I knew it would take him longer to cum than my ass was able to bear. After a while, he went to shower as he said that he wanted all of my holes. We took a break as we sipped wine, cuddled and listened to Sam Smith. As he stroked my hair, I asked: "Do you know what I like about you? Well, one of the many things that I like about you...."? He smiled and shook his head no. I answered: "I love that you can fuck me so hard and do the kinkiest and dirtiest things with me one minute and the next, you can make such sweet love to me that I feel like I could cry". He looked down, in this shy way that he has sometimes and whispered: "I am so crazy about you. I've never been this crazy about anyone before. You are one of a kind and I'll tell you one thing. I only want to be with you. I don't want to be with anyone else".

It was getting late and he had to leave. He got dressed as I pouted, naked in bed wishing that the night didn't have to end. He kissed me as I made a sad face and pulled out his cock. He forcefully took me and fucked me hard until he came inside me. At that point, he was very late. He kissed me deeply and rushed out the door. He called me from the road and although I knew that I was being unreasonable, I was a little moody and sad. I wanted him to stay. As A always does when this gets too much for me to bear, he put things back into perspective for me and said this before hanging up:

"Baby, I can't give you what you need right now. It's not even what you need, it's what you think you need. And if I give it to you, you'll be like oh my god why did you give me this".

I knew he was right. But his being right didn't help the fact that I had just fallen from the highest high. There was nothing to do but sleep it off.

Sunday withdrawal

A:

"Je suis tellement mais tellement en amour".

Olivia:

"My heart just skipped a beat reading that so I guess I feel the same way :p".

The perfect week part II

I had a whole week to myself and A arranged to spend time with me every single day. On the friday, I had a getaway planned - one night at a hotel - all by "myself". Of course, I wasn't really by myself as A arrived shortly after I did. The evening was a year in the making and expectations were high. A had saved a fancy and very expensive bottle of wine for us to share together. We were initially supposed to have the wine and a crazy sex-filled evening last December when my husband was out of town for two weeks. We had planned to celebrate Christmas with expensive wine and, we joked, hookers and cocaine. One week before our date, I found out that I was pregnant and all of our plans were altered by the news. During my pregnancy, we would often dream of the day when, no longer pregnant, we would escape together for a night at a hotel where we would open that bottle of wine and have the kind of wild sex that we couldn't have anymore.

I wrapped my arms around A's neck and got onto my tip toes to kiss him deeply. He pulled my body to his and held me tightly, whispering: "I can't believe we're doing this. Thanks for inviting me". He smiled his biggest smile as I rolled my eyes. Who else was I going to invite? We opened his bottle of wine and started sipping it as we sat on the couch, my legs over his and my arm around his neck. I commented on the fact that this was reminiscent of the first time we met. It was the fifteenth of May last year and we sat, much like we were doing now, although silently debating whether we should take this to the bed for the very first time. The wine was delicious and worth the year-long wait. A took the glass from my hand and pulled me to the bed. He undressed and then slowly but decidedly removed every last item of clothing from my body. He knelt between my legs and slowly started kissing my lower belly. His tongue moved deliciously over my inner thighs before reaching my clit which he then took into his mouth and sucked. I moaned in delight as I pulled on A's hair. A brought me to a body shaking orgasm and before I had enough time to recover, he forcefully entered my dripping wet pussy. He held on to my breasts as he pumped his cock in and out of me, hard. I screamed in pleasure as he pulled my ass to the edge of the bed and stood in front of me fucking me furiously. I knew that he had to meet up with his wife for an hour or two before coming back to me and that he was already late but in that moment, A didn't care. He wanted to fuck me and cum inside me. As A's moans got louder, he said: "baby I am going to shoot so hard inside you". He screamed as his orgasm took over his body and he collapsed on top of me, his hot mouth kissing mine. I pushed him off me softly, smiled my most mischievous smile and said: "Go. Go home to your wife".

The perfect week part 1

As A pumps his cock inside me...

Olivia:

"Are you going to shower before going home to your wife"?

A:

"No".

Olivia: 

"I think I am going to cum right now".

East coast - West coast drama and a sex date

A had spent the week away. His wife had a business trip planned and he tagged along since it was in a city that he had enjoyed immensely once. Selfishly, the fact that he chose to go with her irked me a little and sadly, we spent the week oscillating from missing each other like crazy to being annoyed and arguing. It was not a good week but thankfully, everything fell into place again as he boarded the plane to come home. He landed on a Saturday, in the midst of the holiday weekend and the thought of not seeing each other for another two, three days was unbearable. I suggested that we both make arrangements to get away for a few hours Sunday afternoon. He scheduled a work meeting while I planned a yoga class and just like that, we both had a three hour window on a a sunny weekend day. A found this hotel just a few minutes from my yoga studio and I rented a room. A and I have our usual spots around the city where we often get away to. This was not one of them. This place was obviously meant to be used exactly for the purposes A and I were using it for. The front desk didn't ask me for my name. They didn't need the credit card I handed for the security deposit and they didn't  seem surprised when I paid cash. This was both a little embarrassing and highly convenient.

I sent A a text with the room number and he arrived five minutes later. He looked so good with his freshly cut hair and tight v neck sweater. He threw his leather jacket on the chair and wrapped his strong arms around me. He pushed my back against the wall and placed his lips on mine. He kissed me deeply and it felt so good to breathe him and feel his body against mine. He said: "I missed you so much baby" as he held me close and pulled on the zipper of my hoodie. I pulled his sweater over his head and traced my fingers along the muscles of his chest. A is very handsome. Especially during sex. I love to watch the muscles of his chest flex as he fucks me or witness the strength of his arms as he grabs my hips and thrusts his hard cock into me. I love watching his body move as he manhandles me, pulling and pushing me into whatever position he craves at that particular moment. After more than a year and a half of sex with A, I still notice how hot he looks as he gets dressed, how sexy he is when he fucks me and how beautiful his face is when he looks at me.
Ok where was I?
We undressed quickly and moved to the bed where A proceeded to give me the first orgasm of the six we would have together that day. No one makes me moan and cum the way that A does. He has learned the way that my body works and I have to say that he is a really gifted student. He seems to know exactly where and how to lick and touch in order to produce the most intense, mind blowing orgasms that I have ever had. I can't even give myself an orgasm comparable to the ones that A gives me.

It felt so good to be in A's arms after the time we had spent apart.
We both left the dingy motel happy and giddy.
Reality hit when I got home as my husband was annoyed and cranky which seems to be the theme in our house these days. The mood serves as a daily reminder that what I am doing is unsustainable. Things at home are mostly....unpleasant. And I have been emotionally unavailable which only reinforces the unpleasantness. I know that I have to make a choice. I can't keep giving A the best of me for there is nothing left of me to give to my husband. I am not going to pretend that I don't know what the right thing to do is. I know I should distance myself from A in order to heal my marriage. But his pull is too strong and I am so deeply in love with him that pulling back seems impossible. I am continuing on as though this is just another affair. Another lover.
Except it isn't.
A is A.
He is everything.
I am so screwed.