East coast - West coast drama and a sex date

A had spent the week away. His wife had a business trip planned and he tagged along since it was in a city that he had enjoyed immensely once. Selfishly, the fact that he chose to go with her irked me a little and sadly, we spent the week oscillating from missing each other like crazy to being annoyed and arguing. It was not a good week but thankfully, everything fell into place again as he boarded the plane to come home. He landed on a Saturday, in the midst of the holiday weekend and the thought of not seeing each other for another two, three days was unbearable. I suggested that we both make arrangements to get away for a few hours Sunday afternoon. He scheduled a work meeting while I planned a yoga class and just like that, we both had a three hour window on a a sunny weekend day. A found this hotel just a few minutes from my yoga studio and I rented a room. A and I have our usual spots around the city where we often get away to. This was not one of them. This place was obviously meant to be used exactly for the purposes A and I were using it for. The front desk didn't ask me for my name. They didn't need the credit card I handed for the security deposit and they didn't  seem surprised when I paid cash. This was both a little embarrassing and highly convenient.

I sent A a text with the room number and he arrived five minutes later. He looked so good with his freshly cut hair and tight v neck sweater. He threw his leather jacket on the chair and wrapped his strong arms around me. He pushed my back against the wall and placed his lips on mine. He kissed me deeply and it felt so good to breathe him and feel his body against mine. He said: "I missed you so much baby" as he held me close and pulled on the zipper of my hoodie. I pulled his sweater over his head and traced my fingers along the muscles of his chest. A is very handsome. Especially during sex. I love to watch the muscles of his chest flex as he fucks me or witness the strength of his arms as he grabs my hips and thrusts his hard cock into me. I love watching his body move as he manhandles me, pulling and pushing me into whatever position he craves at that particular moment. After more than a year and a half of sex with A, I still notice how hot he looks as he gets dressed, how sexy he is when he fucks me and how beautiful his face is when he looks at me.
Ok where was I?
We undressed quickly and moved to the bed where A proceeded to give me the first orgasm of the six we would have together that day. No one makes me moan and cum the way that A does. He has learned the way that my body works and I have to say that he is a really gifted student. He seems to know exactly where and how to lick and touch in order to produce the most intense, mind blowing orgasms that I have ever had. I can't even give myself an orgasm comparable to the ones that A gives me.

It felt so good to be in A's arms after the time we had spent apart.
We both left the dingy motel happy and giddy.
Reality hit when I got home as my husband was annoyed and cranky which seems to be the theme in our house these days. The mood serves as a daily reminder that what I am doing is unsustainable. Things at home are mostly....unpleasant. And I have been emotionally unavailable which only reinforces the unpleasantness. I know that I have to make a choice. I can't keep giving A the best of me for there is nothing left of me to give to my husband. I am not going to pretend that I don't know what the right thing to do is. I know I should distance myself from A in order to heal my marriage. But his pull is too strong and I am so deeply in love with him that pulling back seems impossible. I am continuing on as though this is just another affair. Another lover.
Except it isn't.
A is A.
He is everything.
I am so screwed.