Bad at breaking up.

Tonight was the kind of special evening where the stars seem to align and somehow, just like magic, what is usually impossible to pull off becomes possible. J's wife was out of town and my husband was away for a few days. That left us completely free and open for an entire evening with no curfew. We had planned this date earlier this week and I had been mentally preparing myself to let him know that I needed a break from our affair. Part of the reason is that my husband and I are starting to plan for a family. I have discussed this often with J. and so he is prepared for the news. Mainly though, I am having difficulty carrying on another affair since A. has come into my life. In my plan, J. and I were going to fuck each other's brains out and then I would tell him. D. inspired me with his post-sex move announcement and so I was going to do it in a similar way. 

J. and I have fantasized numerous times about visiting a sex shop together and a few days ago, he suggested that we meet there before our date. The store was in a part of town where neither of us know anyone so we held hands and kissed as we browsed. It felt nice to do something different with J. than simply meeting up for a two hour sex session. We laughed a lot as we walked around the store and finally left with two kinky items to try. On the way to the hotel, J. realized that he forgot to bring some very important items for our date so we made a quick stop. He walked out with the items and a bottle of wine. As I drove to the hotel, J. put his hand on my leg and inched his way up. He teased me until I found it difficult to drive. It was playful and fun and we were simply having a delightful time together already.

Once we stepped in the room, J. pulled me to him and kissed me passionately. We had time and I knew he wanted to take it slow. He took an ice cube from the ice bucket in which our wine was chilling and put it in his mouth. He turned to me with a devilish look on his face and put his lips on my neck. His lips and tongue were cold as he kissed me and shivers ran down my spine. We undressed each other slowly as we kept kissing. He grabbed the sex store bag and unwrapped the collar and leash that we had just purchased. J. loves to use his ties aroud my neck as a leash and so he found this collar to be extremely exciting. He tied it around my neck and pulled me towards him again. I put my hand on his already hard cock and asked him if I could kiss him there. He smiled and said absolutely as I put an ice cube in my mouth and knelt to my knees in front of him. I took the tip of his cock slowly in my mouth. He moaned and said that my mouth felt so good around his cock. I took him deeper and ran my tongue on the underside of his cock. He grabbed my hair with one hand and pushed himself further down my throat. I tried to take him all but J. is simply too big for me. 

J. pulled on the leash and lead me to the bed. He stood near the edge as I got in front of him. I looked back at him and smiled as he told me that I looked so sexy and that no one turns him on like I do. In one quick stroke, J. slammed his cock deep inside me from behind. I moaned loudly as he fucked me hard. When he came, he removed the collar from my neck and we collapsed in bed together holding each other. We drank wine and talked about our lives for a while. I didn't have the heart to break up with him yet and I knew that he was going to want to fuck me again and so I simply enjoyed the moment and the happy banter that J. and I always share after sex. 

Eventually, we had sex again and then stayed in each other's arms kissing for what seemed like forever. J. ran his hands all over my body while never unlocking his lips from mine. He kissed me and held me and touched me for much longer than he usually does after sex. Then, I turned to my side and pulled J's arms around me. He wrapped himself around me and simply held me as we rested together. This is something we have never done before. I told him that I had never seen the cuddly side of him and that it felt good being in his arms. He replied that he couldn't keep his hands off me and that my body seemed to fit so perfectly with his. He said that in this moment, everything was simply perfect and that he was completely happy. We must have fallen asleep for a little while and every time I said that we should get going, he would hold me closer and say that indeed, we should get going but that he didn't want to. When we finally got up, it was three in the morning. We got dressed, kissed and I told him that he had made it completely impossible for me to break up with him tonight. He said that he was glad and that we couldn't stop this all of a sudden. I laughed and said that perhaps we should slowly ease out of our affair instead. 

We walked to our cars and we felt like little kids when the parents are away, so free and unburdened by our real lives. At three in the morning, we were still out, together and no one was waiting for either of us at home. There were no calls from our spouses, no stress and no worries. Things are so simple with J. 

I am decidedly bad at breaking up but then again, maybe I don't really want to.

Meet everyone

I am taking a break from my obsession with A. to write about the other men in my life. I know that it makes me look completely whorish to have many lovers, however, they all play vastly different roles in my life. First, there is J. You know J. He was my first affair partner and truly a gifted lover. What I love with my relationship with J. is its simplicity. J. is someone that I am fond of and with whom I have incredible sexual experiences. He fits the exact definition of a friends with benefits. There is no confusion about the limits and confines of the relationship. When we share a drink or a meal before an encounter, it is simply as a way to increase anticipation and our excitement level and not because we crave time together. Although we do talk and catch up during our encounters, our email communication between meetings is strictly sexual in nature. We are a great sexual match. We enjoy kinky, rough sex together where he gets to explore the dominant side of his personality and I get to play his dirty little whore. The relationship is extremely satisfying because neither of us wants any more than exactly what we have. 

Then, there is D who is by far, the naughtiest lover I have ever had. D. and I know next to nothing about each other and yet, he has pushed me farther sexually than anyone ever has. D. is exciting because he is mysterious, intelligent and extremely kinky. He scares and thrills me all at once. I have shared more of my sexual secrets with him that I ever have with anyone else before. He loves to hear the dirtiest and darkest secrets of others. Although I am far from innocent, with him, I feel quite inexperienced. He loves to surprise me and push my limits. On our first encounter, he spanked me so hard that I was black and blue for a week. He makes me do things that I never thought I would do.....

There are also S. and B. B. and I went on two dates, one of which ended with us kissing and touching eachother but nothing more. B. is very sensual, gorgeous and kind. However, something is preventing me from taking things further with him. Maybe it is his initial shyness and nervousness at the beginning of every meeting. I love a confident man and although I do sense his confidence, I wish he were not more nervous than me when we are together. S. and I have been emailing and texting for a while now but I also haven't taken things further with him. He is very crude in his ways and something about that turns me on. However, I like intelligent and well spoken men and something about S. doesn't feel quite right. Then again, the sex could be amazing....he did mention that he was extremely gifted at certain things. I am so curious. I will keep you posted on my decisions. 

Finally, there is A. He is the only one I can truly call my lover. What we have is deeper and more fulfilling than anything I have with anyone else. It is also more confusing and scary because of its emotional nature. Today, he texted me that he didn't recall ever wanting someone as badly as he wanted me. He said that he wanted to possess every fibre of my being. He is kind and so intuned with his emotions. I have never met a man like him. Sometimes, I feel that by keeping these other men in my life, I am simply trying to minimize the importance of A. Sometimes, I will fuck J. and tell myself that it is rehab from A. I am consumed with A. I am losing my head. In a major way. 

Monogamy is simply not my thing.

Last week, I met D. for drinks at a trendy bar. After a month of emails in which we shared secrets and fantasies from the deepest darkest parts of ourselves, flirting seemed tamed in comparison. After a first drink, he asked me whether I wanted to take this further. I sat, pondering this question for a few minutes, decidedly unsure of what I was going to do. On the one hand, he was handsome and there was definite chemistry. On the other, I had never moved this quickly with a stranger before. There was something about D. that prevented me from overanalyzing the situation. I agreed to go to a hotel nearby after a second, much-needed drink. Perhaps it was that his seduction method appealed directly to my brainy side. His nerdy intelligence coupled with an apparent liking for the perverse and kinky excited me both body and mind.

When we stepped into the hotel room, I was both turned on and afraid. I was turned on by my sudden boldness and surprised at my decision to let this stranger do unspeakable things to me. I was afraid for the same reason. D. was still a stranger. A kinky stranger and I did not know what sleeping with him would be like or what it would awaken in me. 

What was ultimately awakened in me that night was my inner whore. To even begin to understand the implications of this statement, I must tell you that I am married. To my husband, my family and friends, I am a loving wife, a young professionnal and a devoted homemaker. 

To my lovers, I am their naughtiest and dirtiest little secret. 

Here, I am exposing my dark side.