Meet everyone

I am taking a break from my obsession with A. to write about the other men in my life. I know that it makes me look completely whorish to have many lovers, however, they all play vastly different roles in my life. First, there is J. You know J. He was my first affair partner and truly a gifted lover. What I love with my relationship with J. is its simplicity. J. is someone that I am fond of and with whom I have incredible sexual experiences. He fits the exact definition of a friends with benefits. There is no confusion about the limits and confines of the relationship. When we share a drink or a meal before an encounter, it is simply as a way to increase anticipation and our excitement level and not because we crave time together. Although we do talk and catch up during our encounters, our email communication between meetings is strictly sexual in nature. We are a great sexual match. We enjoy kinky, rough sex together where he gets to explore the dominant side of his personality and I get to play his dirty little whore. The relationship is extremely satisfying because neither of us wants any more than exactly what we have. 

Then, there is D who is by far, the naughtiest lover I have ever had. D. and I know next to nothing about each other and yet, he has pushed me farther sexually than anyone ever has. D. is exciting because he is mysterious, intelligent and extremely kinky. He scares and thrills me all at once. I have shared more of my sexual secrets with him that I ever have with anyone else before. He loves to hear the dirtiest and darkest secrets of others. Although I am far from innocent, with him, I feel quite inexperienced. He loves to surprise me and push my limits. On our first encounter, he spanked me so hard that I was black and blue for a week. He makes me do things that I never thought I would do.....

There are also S. and B. B. and I went on two dates, one of which ended with us kissing and touching eachother but nothing more. B. is very sensual, gorgeous and kind. However, something is preventing me from taking things further with him. Maybe it is his initial shyness and nervousness at the beginning of every meeting. I love a confident man and although I do sense his confidence, I wish he were not more nervous than me when we are together. S. and I have been emailing and texting for a while now but I also haven't taken things further with him. He is very crude in his ways and something about that turns me on. However, I like intelligent and well spoken men and something about S. doesn't feel quite right. Then again, the sex could be amazing....he did mention that he was extremely gifted at certain things. I am so curious. I will keep you posted on my decisions. 

Finally, there is A. He is the only one I can truly call my lover. What we have is deeper and more fulfilling than anything I have with anyone else. It is also more confusing and scary because of its emotional nature. Today, he texted me that he didn't recall ever wanting someone as badly as he wanted me. He said that he wanted to possess every fibre of my being. He is kind and so intuned with his emotions. I have never met a man like him. Sometimes, I feel that by keeping these other men in my life, I am simply trying to minimize the importance of A. Sometimes, I will fuck J. and tell myself that it is rehab from A. I am consumed with A. I am losing my head. In a major way. 

Monogamy is simply not my thing.

Last week, I met D. for drinks at a trendy bar. After a month of emails in which we shared secrets and fantasies from the deepest darkest parts of ourselves, flirting seemed tamed in comparison. After a first drink, he asked me whether I wanted to take this further. I sat, pondering this question for a few minutes, decidedly unsure of what I was going to do. On the one hand, he was handsome and there was definite chemistry. On the other, I had never moved this quickly with a stranger before. There was something about D. that prevented me from overanalyzing the situation. I agreed to go to a hotel nearby after a second, much-needed drink. Perhaps it was that his seduction method appealed directly to my brainy side. His nerdy intelligence coupled with an apparent liking for the perverse and kinky excited me both body and mind.

When we stepped into the hotel room, I was both turned on and afraid. I was turned on by my sudden boldness and surprised at my decision to let this stranger do unspeakable things to me. I was afraid for the same reason. D. was still a stranger. A kinky stranger and I did not know what sleeping with him would be like or what it would awaken in me. 

What was ultimately awakened in me that night was my inner whore. To even begin to understand the implications of this statement, I must tell you that I am married. To my husband, my family and friends, I am a loving wife, a young professionnal and a devoted homemaker. 

To my lovers, I am their naughtiest and dirtiest little secret. 

Here, I am exposing my dark side.